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I approached the group tentatively. “But introversion is common among writers,” I tell myself for the hundredth time. Everyone else there must feel the same way.
Somehow that didn’t help.
My procrastination was in itself a result of procrastination. A million excuses flooded my mind whenever I opened my laptop.
“Let me just check my email quickly.”
“Let me see if there is anything important I need to respond to on Facebook. It’ll take only a second, I promise.”
“Wait, where did I put that book I might need for a presentation three months from now?”
“Darn, my ‘To Do’ list is longer than my arm.” [Mostly because I haven’t yet done yesterday’s tasks, or the day before’s, or last weeks….]
What was I talking about?
Oh, right. Procrastination. No, tentativeness. That’s it. I’m standing at the door to the class room on a college campus I haven’t attended in a decade. There is a ‘Meet Up’ Writer’s Group I’m supposed to be checking out tonight.
“What if they don’t want me to join?” I thought. “What if they hate my work? What if they are all writer-wannabes who spend the entire meeting complaining about how they can’t get their writing published, but have no substantive writing completed? Or have written “the great American novel!!” but never submitted it to a publisher, or even an editor?”
“Or what if they are all accomplished writers and editors and think my stuff is crap?”
Darn. How long have I been standing here? I’ve missed half the meeting already.
“Okay, make a decision. Either open up the door or go home and STFU.”
Wow. Sometimes my inner voices can be brutal.
“Okay,” deep breath, “let’s do this!”
Sorry that I”m late. Bad case of tentativitis.
David J. Kent is a science traveler and the author of Lincoln: The Man Who Saved America, in Barnes and Noble stores now. His previous books include Tesla: The Wizard of Electricity (2013) and Edison: The Inventor of the Modern World (2016) and two e-books: Nikola Tesla: Renewable Energy Ahead of Its Time and Abraham Lincoln and Nikola Tesla: Connected by Fate.
Check out my Goodreads author page. While you’re at it, “Like” my Facebook author page for more updates!
Hot White Snow 
I think the kinds of things one puts off say a lot about one’s current state of mind.
There’s also a constant cost/benefit calculation that is going on.
I have an axe handle that I’ve been meaning to mend for about 6 months.
However, taking the time to organize the right tools in the right places for different jobs makes things easier. Sort of like treating one’s subconscious mind as a valued employee that needs the best desk chair available. Getting jaded with that new desk chair is still an ongoing thing though.
Somehow, there is often a fear of getting started. Sometimes that is the fear of getting locked into a compulsive activity that is not necessarily going to be interesting.
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Sometimes putting things off is a refection of biochemistry.
I agree that the “getting started” part is the most difficult. Getting all the tools or books or notes or whatever organized can feel overwhelming, so the actual task never quite gets off the ground. I fight that every second of the day.
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Having the biochemistry (or whatever) it takes to get things started can also result in having too many irons in the fire. I’ve become very careful, especially over the last few years about starting anything that isn’t personally important. For me anyway, the “procrastination” is more often a case of honest self-evaluation regarding the relative value of my time (and commitment to more-or-less hedonistic impulses).
I do think you have to be careful about turning a joy into a profession. I don’t necessarily envy those burnt-out pro-surfers and musicians. It’s important to have some sense of personal reward beyond “having the assignment completed”, and the organization part can be an unrewarding as it tends to result in nothing new… at least by itself.
Maybe just a left-coast attitude, but looking at the title and header for this WP domain, perhaps you’re due an “ensō” moment — or at least a glass of wine?
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Alas, you make all good points. I’ve had a habit of keeping “too many irons in the fire,” and that too is part biochemistry. Clearly I need to drop some of my obligations, especially since I might perhaps be picking up two more. I’m not burnt out by any stretch, but there is that danger.
I had to look up “ensō” moment; something I was not familiar with. Perhaps I need to refocus my life a bit, although “focus” is clearly not a word with much meaning thus far in my life.
Thanks for making me stop and think.
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Probably there is some value in routine efforts that don’t necessarily produce “new” stuff right away. But probably also important to limit those activities to some modest effort. However discovering what constitutes moderation requires a little experimentation.
I spent way too many weekends running lab equipment in a cold, dark room. Lots of folks can’t tolerate that to begin with and lots get burned out with it later. I dd it for 30 years. I think that was too much.
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I have trouble doing one thing for 30 months (and sometimes day). I’ve been thinking lately I have way too much on my plate, but then I’ve always spread myself around the map. Not always by choice.
Time for some self-reflection. In a couple of weeks I’m off on another adventure, so perhaps a lot of flight time and wandering about a distant land will provide some inspiration.
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