I approached the group tentatively. “But introversion is common among writers,” I tell myself for the hundredth time. Everyone else there must feel the same way.
Somehow that didn’t help.
My procrastination was in itself a result of procrastination. A million excuses flooded my mind whenever I opened my laptop.
“Let me just check my email quickly.”
“Let me see if there is anything important I need to respond to on Facebook. It’ll take only a second, I promise.”
“Wait, where did I put that book I might need for a presentation three months from now?”
“Darn, my ‘To Do’ list is longer than my arm.” [Mostly because I haven’t yet done yesterday’s tasks, or the day before’s, or last weeks….]
What was I talking about?
Oh, right. Procrastination. No, tentativeness. That’s it. I’m standing at the door to the class room on a college campus I haven’t attended in a decade. There is a ‘Meet Up’ Writer’s Group I’m supposed to be checking out tonight.
“What if they don’t want me to join?” I thought. “What if they hate my work? What if they are all writer-wannabes who spend the entire meeting complaining about how they can’t get their writing published, but have no substantive writing completed? Or have written “the great American novel!!” but never submitted it to a publisher, or even an editor?”
“Or what if they are all accomplished writers and editors and think my stuff is crap?”
Darn. How long have I been standing here? I’ve missed half the meeting already.
“Okay, make a decision. Either open up the door or go home and STFU.”
Wow. Sometimes my inner voices can be brutal.
“Okay,” deep breath, “let’s do this!”
Sorry that I”m late. Bad case of tentativitis.
David J. Kent is a science traveler and the author of Lincoln: The Man Who Saved America, in Barnes and Noble stores now. His previous books include Tesla: The Wizard of Electricity (2013) and Edison: The Inventor of the Modern World (2016) and two e-books: Nikola Tesla: Renewable Energy Ahead of Its Time and Abraham Lincoln and Nikola Tesla: Connected by Fate.